How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
