Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
