my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just had sex on a roof
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
