Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
