I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
My dick has a subreddit
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
