he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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