my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
