I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
