no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
