I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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