WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
