just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
