I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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