he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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