I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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