I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
