Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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