so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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