if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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