hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
