i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
