1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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