Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
