My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
