If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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