hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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