i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
