my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
how does that bad decision feel?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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