I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
