I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
