I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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