I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
