I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
