i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
