; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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