I cockslap morals
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
