just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
