i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
