Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
it glows. i had to have it.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
