Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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