I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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