she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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