hotel room ftw
i think my tv is drunk
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Enjoy the penises
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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