so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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