Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
