there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
