I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
