so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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