Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
