my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
